Mortality

I was recently reminded of the great responsibility I have now as a mother. I can no longer live my life as if I'm invincible; although, I hardly feel that way these days. When I was in my mid- to late 20s, I almost felt invincible because I was in the best shape of my life and had just about everything going for me. Running 5 miles after work or on a weekend morning used to be a piece of cake and always made me feel better afterwards. Nowadays, I can barely run 3 miles twice a week and always feel like I'm falling apart: everything hurts, short of breath, tired legs... These days, I am definitely well aware of my mortality. What really spooked me was an incident that happened yesterday.

Scarlett was at daycare and I was working from home. I got a call from one of my mommy friends to meet for lunch, even without Scarlett. I thought, great, I need a social break anyway just to have people to talk to. Unfortunately, it was the first day of rain after many days of nice weather. I was on the on ramp to Highway 85 and this on ramp takes a 180 degree turn. Just as I was about to get out of the turn and onto the freeway, my car slipped and I lost control of it. It spun around, hit the guard rail on the right side, and came to a stop. I was in shock. I wasn't hurt or anything but I just couldn't believe what had happened. I sat there for a few minutes to gather myself and figure out how to turn around and get off the freeway. I got off at the next exit and slowly drove to the shop where I usually get my car serviced. Luckily, it was about 1/2 mile away. It must have been apparent that I was in somewhat of a daze because the guy at the shop was nice enough to have my car checked out for any damages besides just body damage. Luckily, the car appeared to be ok and safe to drive. After I drove home, I reflected on what had happened and thought about the could-haves and the what-ifs. What if I had swerved into the right lane of traffic? What if my car flipped over the guard rail? With Brian gone to Minneapolis for a conference, Scarlett was depending on me to be there for her. Thus, I've decided that I need to be more careful, especially since Scarlett depends on me to be there for her. I must have gone over the incident multiple times already in my mind and I don't think I was driving recklessly or extremely fast. In fact, I wasn't even in a hurry or distracted by a cell phone or the radio. I just wasn't being careful enough given the fact that it had just rained. I must have taken that turn a hundred times before and my mind was probably thinking about something (work? lunch with my mommy friends? frankly, I don't remember) as I took the turn like I always do, which is probably too fast for a rainy day. Unfortunately, my luck wasn't with me. Or was it with me, because I survived the incident unscathed? In any case, I've decided that I really need to be a more careful driver. I've always thought that I am a pretty good driver as an adult but recent incidents prove otherwise: the speeding ticket I got last August, rear-ending someone while I was stopped at the light because I turned around to see why Scarlett was crying hysterically. Research says that ingrained habits are hard to change and I'm almost always in a hurry when I go somewhere but this time, I really think that I will change for good, especially with so much on the line.