Christmas

Well, Christmas is just about half over and Scarlett is sound asleep for her nap after spending half the morning playing with her presents. Scarlett is finally old enough to start enjoying Christmas with the anticipation of presents and Christmas songs and Santa and all that Christian folklore. We ended up getting her a fair amount of presents this year: nothing super-expensive, some books, puzzle, games, a pillow (which she actually asked for when we asked her one day what she wanted from Santa), and a baby doll as the grand finale present. All in all, present opening took about 1 1/2 hours.

Originally, I was just going to get her the baby doll as her Christmas present but my husband proclaimed that she should have lots of presents to open. I can understand (and got to witness) how exciting and fun it is for her to open multiple presents but I had originally resisted because I didn't want her to be too engulfed in the American tradition of mass consumerism and also developing an expectation for lots of presents as she gets older. Besides, I'm frequently buying her things throughout the year anyway so she's hardly living a life of scarcity. I've come to realize that it doesn't matter whether she gets one present or eight presents, usually toys, (e.g., during birthdays), she gets bored of her toys in about two weeks anyway. So it'll be interesting to see how long she will be interested in playing with her baby doll before it becomes old news.


When I was a kid, my mom would take us to a toy store and let us each pick out a toy for Christmas (with a pre-set monetary limit: $20 if I remember right). It was pretty obvious who the present was from. Maybe my brothers and I were old enough by the time we immigrated here to believe in Santa Claus but we never had to be told that Santa Claus was not real. My parents were Buddhists anyway. It also explains why I didn't have a Christmas stocking growing up and got my first one when I spent my first Christmas with my husband. Currently, on our wall, there is a stocking for Scarlett with her name stitched in (made by my husband's mom) a stocking with my husband's name stitched on it (made by my husband's mom from when he was little), and a no-name stocking that my husband bought for me nine years ago.


My husband and I have already started telling Scarlett that the presents were from Santa but is that a good idea? When I told my husband that we should just tell her the presents were from us, he thought I was a scrooge and had no Christmas spirit. But really, is it such an "American" tradition that every kid has to be told this lie, especially in such a diverse community that we live in here in California? Do the immigrant kids at school tell the other kids that Santa Claus isn't real? Or do the Jewish kids really think that their eight Hanukah presents are from Santa? No, and no, probably. So why do we perpetuate this tradition of lying about Santa Claus and having to break the truth later on? I guess we did it because it was how my husband was brought up and even though neither one of us are really affiliated (or interested) in any religion, we just go with the flow. But here's my question to everyone who tells their children that Santa slides down the chimney and puts the presents under the tree: what's so bad about telling your children that you, the parent, gave them those presents?

2nd One Always Gets The Shaft

I think most people who are the 2nd/middle child grow up with a chip on their shoulder thinking that they were never loved quite as much or paid quite as much attention as their older sibling. My husband and I were both middle children and I think we both joke about that. I know for a fact that my older brother was loved more because he was the first child and a boy. I don't even know what I looked like as a baby because there weren't any pictures of me when I was a baby. I think the youngest age where there were pictures of me was when I was around 2 or 3 years old. My parents claim that my grandparents wouldn't let them take pictures of their children when they were babies because it was bad luck. Well, they "sneaked" some pictures of my older brother. But they didn't "sneak" any pictures of me.

So I always thought that if I have children, I'll treat them exactly the same. Being a parent now, I know that it's just about impossible to be perfectly fair. The older one will always benefit. It's just a matter of reality and practicality that during the first few years, the second one will get lugged around based on the schedule of the first child, assuming that they are relatively close in age. The first child probably has preschool, playdates, etc. and the second one will just have to tag along for the ride. Scarlett is a fairly light sleeper. So we end up tiptoeing around the house to avoid waking her up. I'm sure the second one will have to try and nap/sleep while Scarlett is running around the house making lots of noise. The second one isn't born yet but he/she is already getting the shaft. I've hardly paid much attention to him/her since he/she was conceived. Maybe it's the morning sickness that's dulled my caring/excitement but I've not paid much attention to my pregnancy so far. It's definitely not like the first pregnancy, where we read up on what's going on with the fetus week by week and took pictures of how big my belly got. Maybe I'll do better when the 2nd trimester rolls around and the morning sickness goes away. Or I'll do better once he/she is born.

Preschool Quandary II

It's been more than several months since I had thought about preschool for Scarlett. During the summer, I researched some local preschool options and got on some waitlists. While Scarlett still doesn't have a "guaranteed" preschool spot come next fall, I'm starting to revisit this issue again. This time, it's the opposite problem: Should I just leave Scarlett at her daycare where she recently started "preschool" there or should I put her in a different preschool next fall? Over the summer, I had already decided that I would put Scarlett in a different preschool next fall but now with a second one coming, I'm not so sure anymore. Assuming that the second one also goes to Scarlett's daycare, then it's not really desirable for me to have two separate drop-offs. Also, Scarlett seems to really like where she is now, albeit it is fairly expensive for part-time, in my opinion. I think most preschools I've looked at are slightly cheaper compared to what I'm currently paying for Scarlett's 3-day a week schedule. If I have a second one in daycare also, it'll be almost $3000 together! That's another mortgage! So do I go back to full-time work just so we can afford daycare+preschool? It almost doesn't make sense, does it? I think working part-time is ideal for me to stay connected to my profession and still have the flexibility that I have had but consulting isn't dependable enough for me to know that I'll make enough per month to cover daycare+preschool. Do I give up the flexibility of being able to deal w/ a sick child, run errands during the day, get dinner prepared, etc. by going back to work full-time or do I take the risk of not making enough by being part-time and thus putting additional pressure on my husband to cover all our expenses? Of course you may be thinking to yourself, "why didn't you think of this before planning to have a second child?" Well, it just doesn't work that way. If I wait for the ideal conditions, Scarlett may be too old to bond with another sibling. Plus, we all know that we can't plan a pregnancy to happen when we want it to. The only thing we can do is to just go for it, and hope it all works out. So here we are with our dilemma:
- Can we afford daycare+preschool?
- I guess they'll have to share the same room irregardless of the sex of the second one since we have a two bedroom (and 1 bath!)house.
- Do I find a full-time job in the near future? In this economy? ("...oh thanks for the interview, by the way, I'll need to take maternity leave in x months..." yea, right...)
- Have my parents come help take care of the second baby? Nope, that's not happening either with us having a two-bedroom house and their uncertain "retirement".

Ah, the stresses of parenthood.

So This is What Normal Eating Looks Like

For the past year at Scarlett's daycare, there has been 4 major groups of kids: There's a room where the smallest infants are, a room where the older, crawling infants to one year olds are, a room where the 2 year olds are (Scarlett's room), and a "prechool" room w/ the preschool-aged kids. At the beginning of this month, Scarlett and her fellow two-year-olds got moved into the "preschool" room. There's a preschool teacher there , Ms. Pauline, who does circle time, story time, painting, drawing, etc. with them. Scarlett loves Ms. Pauline (although, she can't seem to differentiate between the "p" and "c". So in her mind, it's "Ms. Cauline".).
In her preschool class, all the toddlers are no longer fed by the daycare providers at lunch time. Instead, they all sit in their own chair around a table and feed themselves lunch. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with her eating habits at home but the last 5 nights, she has sat down in her chair and fed herself dinner (and actually ate!). Unfortunately, my husband has been working late all week and hasn't seen it himself but it's like night and day! I'm so used to her refusing her dinner, standing in her chair, leaving her chair and coming back frequently throughout dinner that I was smiling to myself as I watched her eat in amazement (and hoping that it would continue). She didn't eat as much as I had given her but at least she ate. And that's all that mattered. Eating was such a struggle for us before because she wouldn't eat anything beyong a couple of bites. Now that she's actually eating, I'm definitely not interested in telling her how much to eat. She even ate fish three nights in a row and some meat last night! Yea, you're thinking that this is hardly earth-shattering news but for me, it is. She usually never eats meat, fish, or vegetables (she's still not eating vegetables but this is a start). I'm thinking that this may be related to her preschool lunch rituals but then again, when she used to be fed by the daycare providers, she ate everything. But I could almost never get her to let me feed her. So what she did at daycare didn't really translate into her habits at home. But whatever it is, I'm hoping it continues!

Sleep, Again

Yup, I'm revisiting this topic again (and again, and again). I thought that it wouldn't be until the third trimester that I would start losing sleep. Unfortunately, it's already started, and it's not the fetus' fault. It seems like Scarlett's sleep issues just ebbs and flows constantly. No, we haven't completely sleep trained her yet. For a while, we got her to stop asking to come to our bed when we put her down for the night. We had managed to settle on letting her come to our bed in the early morning between 4-5am when she would wake up and ask to come to our bed. That was somewhat manageable. But then it crept into 2am wakings, 10pm wakings, 1am wakings, all with the end result of her sleeping on half of my pillow. After she joins us, I end up lying awake for an hour or two before I fall asleep. My husband claims that Scarlett kicks him all night and together with his insomnia, he's not sleeping either. Night time sleep no longer seems like such a sanctuary anymore.
We keep talking about how we really need to sleep train her completely, especially before the second baby comes, but there's never a good time to do it. It's never a good time for my husband because it's either a work day or it's the weekend and he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Then there Scarlett being sick. We can't sleep train her when she's sick and coughing her lungs out whenever she starts crying. So here we are: procrastinating as usual. If you know of a "magic" time to sleep train her, let me know!

Enjoying the Simple Things

One of the best things about having a little one is the experience of seeing them enjoy their "first events":
- the first time they learn that it's their birthday (Scarlett's 2nd birthday),
- the first true Christmas experience (this year will be Scarlett's first true Christmas because she's old enough to enjoy everything about it), or
- the first time they go to Disneyland (we haven't done this yet).
We put up our decorative lights outside our house the weekend after Thanksgiving. Scarlett loves seeing the lights (she says they're blinking). We got our Christmas tree this past weekend and Scarlett was so fascinated by it. She loved touching the different-colored lights strung around the tree branches.

Last night, we took her down to the train station to see the train all decked out in holiday decorations. I think it's great that Caltrain does this every year. Scarlett loves the train these days and combining that with holiday decorations made it such a treat for her. And it's free!


We know that she won't be taking any pictures with Santa this year because she is still afraid of human-sized characters (Santa and Easter Bunny included) but at least we know that she will look forward to seeing holiday decorations everyday this month.

Two Year Olds are Irrational

Two year olds are irrational. Their brains are not developed enough to reason yet. That supposedly happens around the age of three. Lately, I've been looking forward to Scarlett turning three soon just so that we don't get into these fruitless arguments that go nowhere. Here's an example of how difficult it is to deal with an irrational two year old: Since Scarlett's such a horrible eater, I've resorted to giving her vitamins. There's absolutely nothing wrong with vitamins except that her pediatrician hasn't recommended them, even though she eats horribly. Supposedly, toddlers eventually balance out their meals throughout an entire week. They may only eat bread on Monday but the fact that they will only eat peas on Wednesday somehow gets them a balanced "meal". But not my Scarlett. She NEVER (99.99% of the time) will eat vegetables or meat. The only good thing she eats consistently is fruit. Aside from that, she typically subsists on carbs and starchy foods: bread, pasta (with the vegetables picked out), noodles, you get the picture. No potatoes though, even though it's a starchy food. I would count that as vegetable if she did eat it. In any case, I got her these gummy bear vitamins that she's supposed to have only one a day. Of course she loves it because it's basically candy. So almost everyday, I have to argue with her over the vitamins. Here's a typical conversation: "Mama, I want one bear."
"ok, but you can only have one a day. After this one, you will have to wait until tomorrow to have another one."
Later in the afternoon, she asks again: "mama, I want one bear."
"Scarlett, you just had one this morning. You'll have to wait until tomorrow."
"No mama! I want one bear. Just one!"
"No Scarlett, you can only have one a day. You just had one earlier today."
"Just one! I want just one!" (she cries and screams over it.)
...meltdown...

Cravings

When I was pregnant with Scarlett, I didn't have any cravings. I did crave hot soups during the first trimester but it was winter time anyway so I figured that it didn't really count as a real pregnancy craving. This time around, I'm experiencing mealtime cravings. I don't crave a particular type of food per se, such as pickles (although, that does sound good right now), but when I think about having something for my meal, I then feel that I must have it. Nothing else appeals to me so I end up getting the food that I was focusing all my thoughts on. For example, yesterday, I decided that I wanted spicy tofu soup for dinner. Even though my husband was home sick with a cold, he was nice enough to indulge me so we drove to "Korea town" to get some spicy tofu soup for dinner. It was as good as I had imagined, despite the slightly burnt tongue and the nauseous feeling afterwards. These cravings aren't necessarily good for me though. A few weeks ago, I ended up shopping at the Chinese supermarket right before lunch time. Sure enough, I was starving and nauseous from hunger (that's part of my morning sickness, I get nauseous when I'm hungry, and I'm nauseous again after pigging out). So I went over to the hot deli section and bought some lunch combo. I normally avoid these things: ready-made chinese food sitting out for people to serve themselves before paying. They're typically oily foods and probably contain loads of MSG also. Besides, who knows how many people's fingers touched the food and how many hairs fell into it. But my hunger overrode my usual preferences and I ended up pigging out on some stir-fried rice noodles, fried tofu, and green beans. The food sure looked delicious but by the time I was done, I was feeling really disgusted and vowed not to eat there again unless I was desperate. And that was the second time I ate there in a two week period.

I'm usually pretty frugal so I usually eat leftovers for lunch since I work from home anyway. These days, just looking at the leftovers make me nauseous sometimes so I end up spending $7-10 eating out for lunch almost every day. I've driven across town to get Vietnamese noodle soup for lunch even though I was just in the vicinity in the morning doing grocery shopping. I've gone down the street to a local Mexican market to get "fresh made" burritos more in the last three weeks than I've ever done this whole year! Their food is good but it certainly isn't healthy devouring a whole greasy burrito more than once a week. On days when Scarlett doesn't go to daycare, it's even harder to figure out what to eat. Her palate is so limited/picky that I have to find something that appeals to both me and her. That's a tough combo between a pregnant woman with cravings for specific foods and a super-picky eater.