Letting Go

This is the last week that I will have Elliot home all day with me. The last almost-3.5 months have passed by fast. Since I'm a self-employed consultant, I don't have a "maternity leave" but I plan to start working again beginning November. I inquired about the cost of having both kids in daycare this past week (it's another mortgage!) and refreshed my memories again on what I needed to bring for little Elliot to daycare. It saddened me so much to think about having to take him to daycare. It seems so unfair that the first 3 months was so difficult and challenging with the sleepless nights and hours of bouncing/rocking him to sleep and now that the newborn haze has started to clear a bit and he's just starting to get a bit more fun to be around and less work to deal with, I have to ship him to daycare. Since I'm self-employed, I suppose I could push it off a bit longer but I've gotta start working again while there's still work coming in. It's the nature of the business: feast or famine. Scarlett was about 3.5 months old when I went back to work. Yet, it still kills me to have to take him to daycare. He's recently started laughing, talking, and of course, putting himself to sleep by sucking his thumb. Why can't I start off with having him in daycare the first 3 months and then spend the following 3 months at home with him?

My Daughter the Bag Lady

My 3 year old daughter seems to have a tendency to hoard things. I don't know where she gets it from. I'm a little bit of a pack rat but I don't think I hoard things too much. She likes to dump all her toys (play kitchen items, anything she's been playing with recently, all her easter egg shells, her stuff animals, her lovies...) into her shopping cart and push it around. That's her "playing." So my husband and I call her the Bag Lady.

Recently, I went to a used-children's clothing/and everything else sale and I bought her a bunch of dresses, a Dora rolling backpack, a giant stuffed Tigger, rain boots, and a penguin toy. For several days, she would take all of those things and put it in a pile next to where ever she was sitting: on the living rug, behind her high chair at the dining table while eating, in her bedroom... you get the picture. Well, her baby brother only got a few pieces of clothing and a bag of train blocks. She saw those blocks and acknowledged that they were her brother's but she still hoarded it. To this day, they're still in her Dora backpack, where she stashed it. Everytime I take them out and put them aside, she puts them right back in there. I don't know why. It can't be jealousy, because I bought her way more stuff than for her brother.

Unsolved Mysteries

There are a few things that I wonder about but will probably never get the answer on:

1) Scarlett does not like to eat the crust on her bread (I guess that's not that uncommon). But even though I cut the crust off for her, she still eats her bread as if there's crust on it (and leaves the border piece uneaten). Why does she do that?


2) when Elliot was two months, I noticed when I'm cutting his nails, there looks like dirt under his nails. Where did that come from? It's not like he's crawling yet or touches anything remotely dirty.

Sleep Training Elliot

Sleep training is one of the more painful things for parents. Most parents can't stand to listen to their babies cry. Other babies crying is just annoying when it's loud and non-stop. Your own baby crying is heart-breaking. We hated sleep training Scarlett. But with her, the sleep training was different. When she was an infant, we didn't really need to sleep train her, mostly because she found her thumb around 3 months of age and was able to put herself to sleep sucking it. Aside from the times when she was sick (which means all bets are off), she was a good sleeper in general. The first time we sleep trained her was when she figured out how to stand up in her crib and wouldn't go to sleep. I remember sitting outside her bedroom listening to her cry. (She wasn't the only one crying.) It just about killed me. Then we had to sleep train her to sleep in her crib instead of our bed. I guess with little kids, one has to constantly go through sleep training.
Now, with Elliot, we're revisiting the sleep training pains again. He's tough to put down for both naps and bedtime. He can't fall asleep unless we rock/sway/bounce him. I remember when I had Scarlett, my mom told me not to rock her to sleep or she will get used to it. I thought about what she said again after Elliot was born. I decided that it was a ridiculous advice, even though it made perfect sense. I wouldn't have rocked him to sleep if he would just fall asleep by himself. Plus, babies are used to being bounced around for 10 months in the womb so it makes perfect sense that the rocking comforts them. So now, Elliot is addicted to being rocked to sleep. I've tried using a pacifier but he's only lukewarm to the idea. Most of the time, he's not interested in it. I got frustrated by how much time and effort it took to put him to sleep so I decided that he needs to be sleep trained. Also, I'm trying to cut down his night wakings before we move him to Scarlett's bedroom. The plan was to let him cry it out starting last Thursday night when he wakes up around 1-2am, since I don't feed him at this time anyway. Miraculously, he slept from 10pm to 6am that night. He must have heard me talking about the plan to sleep train him. Friday night, he woke up at 1:30am but went back to sleep after fussing for a few minutes. Saturday night, he didn't wake up until 3:30am, which was about time to feed him anyway. Then on Sunday, a monumental thing happened (and we've been waiting so long for this): he found his thumb and figured out how to put it in his mouth consistently! Just like his sister, he's a thumb sucker. I'm not going to complain. If that's his way of putting himself to sleep, I'm perfectly happy with that. How many adults do you know that still sucks his/her thumb? Not too many, I would imagine. But how many adults do you know that has problems falling asleep. I know at least one.

The last two days have been great. I've been able to put him down in his crib or on our bed and he would fuss a little, suck his thumb, and fall asleep. Let's hope this continues.

There's No Shame in Costco

People who know us know that my husband and I are a little on the food-snobby side. We like to cook gourmet foods when we have the time (which is non-existent in the last several months) and we typically eschew eating at fast-food places like Jack-in-the-Box. It's not about buying the most expensive foods. It's about eating foods that taste good, is good for you in general, is fresh, isn't highly processed with a gazillion ingredients and some that one can't even pronounce, and has a lot of nutrients. It's an added bonus if it's grown locally and hasn't created a giant carbon footprint by being flown in from half-way around the world when we can get it locally (foods such as bananas are exceptions since it's not grown locally). Unfortunately, eating this way isn't always the cheapest, nor is it the most easiest to prepare. Before Elliot was born, I was still able to get dinner together without resorting to eating out all the time or eating fast foods. I took pride in the fact that we had home-cooked meals most of the time (even if it's a simple pasta dish) and ate ready-made meals only occasionally. We would typically have frozen ravioli on a Thursday or Friday night when I'm tired of having cooked all week. Or occasionally, we would have frozen burritos for weekend lunches.

Well, our life is different now with an infant and a preschooler. We've had the luxury of having dinner dropped off to us by our caring friends, family, and neighbors for the past month and a half. Now that the dinner tree has ended, I find myself thinking of ways to put dinner on the table with minimal effort, especially since it's unpredictable whether or not I would be spending the whole day holding a fussy Elliot. So last Friday, as I was shopping at Costco, I found myself buying up pre-made meals that only require heating. Butter chicken? We love Indian food! Beef braised in zinfandel? That sounds like something we used to make but don't have time for anymore. The ingredient lists aren't exceptionally long and it says it's minimally processed. That's good, right? Throw those in the shopping cart!

Maybe some day soon, we can go back to making short-ribs braised in wine, but for now, anything easy is the best bet for dinner.

Baby of the Family

I'm now starting to realize why the last child is often the "baby" of the family. We've always wanted two kids and now that we have Elliot, I know that he's the "last" one. The first seven weeks hasn't been easy so far. In fact, I felt cheated. (I don't know who I'm supposed to complain to.) Everyone has said that the second one is usually mellower/easier. They almost have to be because the first child demands so much attention. But Elliot hasn't been easier compared to Scarlett. Not that Scarlett was an easy baby but Elliot is even more difficult. Aside from his need to eat so often, he's also fussier. He has a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. There were many days where I spent hours rocking/shushing/swaying him to get him to fall asleep or stay asleep. He would typically fall asleep after a long time of rocking/shushing/swaying and then wake up again after 5 minutes and I would have to do it all over again. On those days, my wrists would hurt from being held in awkward postures, my back would hurt, and my lips would be tired from shushing. I would feel so frustrated that I felt like throwing him out the window. Amidst all this, I would try and remind myself that he's the last one so I need to treasure the moments. He's only seven weeks old but it seems like time has flown by so quickly. Those cute little feet and the intoxicating baby smell won't last for long. So on my bad days, I will try and savor the good little things about having a baby as we all know that those moments are so fleeting.

Having Two is AT LEAST Twice the Work

Whoever said that having a second child isn't that much work must have been in la-la land. Sometimes, I don't know how our parents did it with three kids. Having two small kids isn't easy. We were already warned by our mommy friends who've already had two (or three). The first month after having Elliot was the toughest. We separated the duties: my husband managed Scarlett mostly, and I managed Elliot (not that I could've passed him off anyway since I had to breastfeed him). It was rough for me because Elliot ate almost every hour during the daytime and cluster-fed (ate every 1/2 hour) during the evenings. Most people say that newborns eat about 8-12 times a day. Mine ate 18-20 times a day. I'm surprised that my nipples haven't fallen off already. My husband had it rough too: Scarlett had a lot of meltdowns (more than usual) and was very defiant. So she was very difficult to manage too. We were lucky that our mommy friends and our neighbors brought us dinners (mostly home-cooked) every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. We usually had enough leftovers that spilled into Tuesdays and Thursdays. I don't know how we would have survived without that - maybe order take-out everyday? Our in-laws also helped us out greatly by visiting many weekends and playing with Scarlett. They also brought us a lot of meals. So even with all of that, we were in survival mode the first month. I remember one of the evenings, I was getting dinner ready that a mommy friend made for us. All I had to do was toss a salad and get the dinner out of the oven and plate it. Brian wasn't home from work yet, Elliot was crying, and Scarlett was demanding her dinner right away. It stressed me out!

Elliot is seven weeks old now and he's gotten a bit better: slightly less fussy and eating about 8-11 times a day now. Scarlett has also gotten better and throws much less fits. But I'm still scared of the thought of having to have dinner on the table. I'm sure I'll figure it out. After all, how do other people do it?